In-Lecture Exercise A

A device that will enhance your creativity.

I know what makes my brain tick. Caffeine. It seems like the days I drink coffee are the days I am the most productive, active, and creative. I wish I could operate as if I were caffeinated every day, but of course that's unhealthy, and I don't want to develop a dependency on coffee anyway.

Supppose I didn't care about my health and only about my creative output, though. In that case, I would like to introduce...

...The Crunker

Q: What is the Crunker?

A: The crunker is a device that feeds a cocktail of psychoactive substances from a pressurized tank directly into my system through a tube connected to an airtight face mask. Contents of the tank are a trade secret, but it is known to contain Caffeine, among other enhancing stimulants.

Q: Why the Crunker?

A: The name "Crunker" is derived from the adjective "crunk", as in "to get crunk", or be excited/full of energy. I am not good at naming, this is just the first thing that came to my mind, but I suppose it is descriptive enough.

What are the benefits of the Crunker?

I am glad you asked. They are as follows:

• Immediacy. Eliminate the need for ingestion, processing, and waiting for substances to take effect. The chemicals are present in gaseous, pressurized form, which promotes intake and absorption into the system. You'll get the effects nearly immediately.
• Portability. You can strap it on and have your hands free to perform other tasks, such as outputting your enhanced creativity into your work.
• Efficacy. Do you need more than a shot of espresso? Two? Five? With the cocktail mix of substances, you can be assured that it's more than enough to get you going.
• Bonus: The mask is airtight and the filters are compliant with MOH Covid-19 standards. You can be assured of a 99.99% reduction in transmission risk.

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Closing note: I have not (yet) developed a caffeine dependency and I am trying not to. For now, a cup of black pourover coffee suffices. I would advise against actually using a product like this, if it existed. Please.